September 2, 2010

It's just not working

I really did my best.
Seems like my relationships with cities have almost the same pattern as my relationships with people. After a while, the butterflies simply won't come back. But instead of enjoying the coziness and serenity that supposedly come along when the butterflies are gone, I find myself in a strange situation: longing for something I don't have anymore, living with the vague memory of how things used to be, incapable of letting go because I hope those feelings will be back or because I'm afraid I won't find something better and in the meantime seeking fun and challenges elsewhere.
I did my best to rediscover Warsaw and see it from a different perspective. Not working. Tried to remember just how much I missed it and how awful it felt being away, back in those days when all I wanted was to live here. Not working either.
My little experiment did help me discover some new artists, a few pubs and the best coffee in the city, but the magic is gone, no doubt about it. And yet Warsaw still feels like home and something tells me I'd have huge regrets if I left it now, so maybe this time I'll try to make an exception and see what happens after the butterflies are gone.

2 comments:

Biluś said...

How beautifully you express yourself! I reckon Warsaw might do worse than having grumpy but gorgeous document its ebb and flow...

Ruxandra said...

I reckon Warsaw doesn't really care. That's the thing with cities, you can never expect a response :)